Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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