It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
