No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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