peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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