I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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