you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize