oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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