only you would photoshop your dick
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
