I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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