Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dear god my vagina.
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