"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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