i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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