he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
