when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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