So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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