But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
