Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
