I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
