she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
