trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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