You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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