I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
