I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
