your thong is hanging out like whoa
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
