He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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