either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
