Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
