So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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