Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
