I just threw up on my dentist
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Semen is not good for contacts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
