she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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