Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
