If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
