I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
