I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
