i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
