We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
