Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
