OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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