Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
