Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
