i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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