I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
