I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
