just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize