Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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