My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
