I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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