im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
