great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize