Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
