True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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