Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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