And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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