Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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