Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
