There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
