I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
