I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
