oh god the rape fog is back!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
