He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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