it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
