Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
