he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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