Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
