YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize