I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
