i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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