I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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