drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
